The other night I had a dream. I was sitting at a potters wheel with a mound of clay- a formless, shapeless idenitity that resembled a mess more than creation. I set to work making the clay into a pot- bent over with hands covered in a mixture of water and mud, I poured my heart into my creation. But no matter how much care I put into the deatail and how much time I took to shape and define it, the clay piece always crumbled in my hands. Every effort I made was destroyed by the very hands that were attempting to build.
At last, I collapsed. Frustrated, I started to cry. Why can’t I do this? This project has my whole heart- why can these hands only create brokenness?
And then Jesus handed me a clay pot. It was beautifully crafted- the design was so intricate and the detail was breathtaking. But the pot was covered in cracks and there were places where the light shown through. I looked at Him confused. Why could such a perfect, beautiful pot be treated so carelessly when my attempt at a pot was handled with so much care? I looked at Him with question.
He gently took the pot and examined it. His touch was so gentle and His gaze, compassionate. I stared at Him in amazement. He loved this pot-in all it’s brokenness. He then began to speak.
This piece of beautiful artwork was purposed long ago. It took time and great care to create. I put into it my heart and soul and graced it with beauty. And then I entrusted this pot to a new caretaker who never understood it’s worth and value. Time and time again, the pot was thrown on the ground, shattered and chipped. Though each and everytime, the caretaker returned to me with the pieces and I lovingly put it back together.
Confused again, I asked why The Lord didn’t simply create a new pot to give back to the caretaker- one without flaws and scars.
Holly- this clay pot is your heart and you are the caretaker. I entrusted it to you with the longing that you would entrust it to me to protect. But I desire you heart out of your desire for mine, not out of mere obligation. I cannot create a new heart because this is the heart I created for you-and yes, it may be covered in scars- but it’s in those scars that my glory shines because each healed scar shows the world how much I truly love you.
I looked down at the pot, now flustered and self conscious. I was so careless with my heart- giving it to other people, to addictions and to worldly desires. And only in heartbreak did I return it to it’s creator. Ashamed, I hid my gaze and mumbled a heartfelt apology.
You know, have never loved this clay pot more than I do now. Do you know why?
I shook my head.
Because every scar and every crack represents every moment of surrender when you again entrusted me with your heart and returned to my protective care. Its in those moments that I find joy because my deepest desire is to know you, to love you and to be the keeper of your beautiful, healed heart.